An action figure of Jeff Bezos captures the oddly plasticky, unreal nature of his tweets. | Photo by Andrew Liptak / The Verge

Friends, I’ve had alerts on for Jeff Bezos’ tweets for a while now, and after some consideration, I’m afraid I have to conclude that this man cannot post.

I am, in fact, finding it difficult to believe how bad he is at posting. It’s astonishing. If Elon Musk’s tweets are pure lizard-brain id, Bezos’ tweets are all superego — my guy probably workshops them, which is why they’re DOA, emotionally. Even something like this, which is (I think) supposed to be loose, absolutely fails by modern Twitter standards:

25 years ago yesterday, AMZN went public. As the Grateful Dead would say, “What a long, strange trip it’s been.”

It’s been far from smooth. Lots of risk-taking, lots of invention, lots of mistakes, so much we still have to do better. I…

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